03 October 2011

my growing {or not so growing} family.

"The bearing of children is a sensitive subject that can be very painful for righteous women who do not have the opportunity to marry and have a family.  To you noble women, our Heavenly Father knows your prayers and desires.  How grateful we are for your remarkable influence, including reaching out with loving arms to children who need your faith and strength."  -Neil L. Andersen

I follow A Cup of Jo's blog. Today her Motherhood Monday post today was about infertility. A mother shared her story about her struggle to conceive, which only eventually happened though medical intervention. Which is really a miracle that they are able to help a lot of women have babies, although if that doesn't work, maybe it would make it harder to deal with because you'd expect that IVF would work. It really made me feel sad to read her story (and the many others out there) of struggling to get pregnant.
i should{should i} be happy with just one?

You're probably wondering what this has to do with me?  I obviously was able to get pregnant, carry full term and deliver a happy little healthy baby.  But lately I've been really emotional about getting pregnant. I always imagined that I would have two babies really close in age. Like REALLY close, as in, I wanted to be pregnant by now. I know, I know, I really do not have the place to complain, but it's my blog, so I am going to. I STILL have not started my period since having my baby. I know that it's normal to go a while before it starts again after having a baby, but I didn't think it would be THIS long! Annabelle is almost a year old and I haven't been breastfeeding for a few months. I know a lot of friends who's period came back while they were breastfeeding, only a few short months after their babies were born. Not me. It's something so little-seeming, but to me it's big. I hate the feeling of knowing that my body right now CANNOT make a child right now. It's scary to think, and often I do think, what if Annabelle was an only child, or what if we don't have another baby for ten years? It would be so different than what I imagined for my family.
i want lots of these babies.

After LDS Conference {more specifically Neil A. Anderson's talk on children}, Chase said to me, "So when ARE we going to have another baby." I flipped out at him thinking, "Why would he ask me such an insensitive question? He's so rude. How horrible of him to bring that up without even thinking of what my body can, actually cannot, do right now! Etc etc..." I didn't even realize I was being irrational at the time, I was just so hurt.

I'm sorry to any of you who are also wishing for a baby right now. My little trial right now is just exactly that, little. The likelihood of me being able to get pregnant within the next couple years is strong, I know.
At least right now I can say I have a lot of sympathy {and perhaps a tiny bit of empathy} for those women who want to but are not having babies.

"It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children, to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God.  We believe in families and we believe in children."  -Neil L. Andersen


Hiba said...

I can see how that would be hard. But maybe you can think of it like this. If your body is not ready and not wanting you to have a baby then maybe it's for a reason. Maybe your body is just not ready for such a process quite yet. Maybe it's telling you to concentrate your energies on the little one you already have and grow that relationship before welcoming in someone else :) Either way it will work out as it should.

Brittany Anne Nielsen said...

Ya maybe.
Or maybe not.

Emily M. said...

That talk spoke to me too. I hope your body returns to normal soon so that you can try to get pregnant again. That would be really scary. I have a fear of not being able to get pregnant again too. I think it is most women's biggest fear- at least it's mine. After I stopped breastfeeding my period took almost 4 months to start again. Hopefully yours will within the next few months. Although it's hard, and sometimes this doesn't make it feel better, but God truly knows the best time-table for all of us. I wasn't ready to have a baby when I felt prompted to start a family- I wanted to finish school first, but I knew that was not the plan. Now that I am doing both, it is hard, but I know that it is right. Sometimes we don't understand until later why things happen. Just keep giving all that love to Annabelle, and I am sure your body will come around soon. Good luck! Loved this post. :)

Tiffany Brown Olsen said...

Love you Brit and I know that it is frustrating and discouraging but you had a baby less than a year ago - it isn't even normal to be able to conceive that quickly. Just because some women do doesn't make it normal. You just need to focus on little A and enjoy. We don't get to plan out our lives. No one does. Plus you've got A, so with all the love and kindness of a big sister... "suck it up."


Becca Jane said...

Hi! I clicked on your blog from Noelle's blog and had to leave a comment on this post. I completely understand what you are feeling! Our first two children took less than 2 months to concieve. And then #3 took....ELEVEN months!! It was absolutely awful to have those months go by and not know what was going on! Now that she is here, we have been able to better understand God's wisdom in how our children are spaced. He knew our family and our situation better than we did, and He knew she needed to take a little extra time to arrive. NOW I am grateful it took as long as it did because having 3 children is really tough, and I'm grateful that my oldest is now in school. ANYWAY, sorry for the novel! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they felt like my own!

camilla said...

Sometimes going on birth control helps you get your period back. You are young and healthy and make beautiful babies, I am sure you will have more.

{Linds} said...

Thank you so much for posting... I have been working on a somewhat similar post on my blog as I am too going trough a "little" fertility problem myself. I was worried as to what someone who really is infertile or having much worse off problems would react. you put it very well. I can totally feel for you and say I know exactly how you feel! email me and I'll send you an invite to my blog lindsayjfig@yahoo.com xoxo

Mom said...

Annabelle is so so so happy to be in your family. I think she wants you to herself for a while. That's what she told me. She is not willing to share a bedroom quite yet, but she is working on it! You are a very cute mom!